Don't Tell A Soul Read online

  “If you had let me handle it in the first place, we wouldn’t be in this mess right now. I think we both need to sit down with Luke and his fiancée, without Joshua being present, for a real talk. We need to lay some ground rules, because this chump is not about to come in and turn our world upside down.”

  “I’ll call him and set it up.”

  Spencer shakes his head. “You won’t do anything. I’ll call him and set it up, and if he doesn’t want to deal with me, he can deal with the court and that small matter of his back child support bill.”

  “I love it when you take charge, Spencer. It makes me feel protected.”

  “I love it when you let me take charge.” Spencer’s voice softens. “You have to trust that I want the best for our entire family. I love Joshua just like he came from my own seed.”

  “I know you do.”

  “Well, let me deal with this, Tay. I’ve got this. And Joshua is going to be okay. He’s just smelling himself right now. It’s a man thing.”

  “He isn’t a man yet. He better watch himself if he wants to make it to manhood.”

  “He’ll make it! And we’ll be proud of him when he gets there.”

  For the first time since Luke reared his ugly head, I feel better about this situation. Spencer is a man of God, and I trust him. He’s going to make everything okay.

  Spencer stands up and holds out his hand. “I believe we have a meeting scheduled.”

  “What meeting?”

  “The meeting in my bedroom.”

  I place my free hand over my mouth and giggle. “Okay, but I have to call Pam first. She’s going through something, and I promised that I’d call.”

  “You’ve got twenty minutes, Taylor, and then I’m disconnecting the call.”

  I take the phone out of my purse and quickly dial Pam’s cell.

  “Hello.”

  “Hey, girl! What is going on with you?” I ask. “You seemed off at the girl’s house.”

  “So much is going on. But before we get on my drama, what do you think about Eva?”

  “I don’t know what to think. I just know that Yvonne seems really taken with her. She’s like a kitten with a ball of yarn. I’ve never seen her that excited about helping someone.”

  “I know. She seems nice, but I don’t know. I think she’s hiding something.”

  “Aren’t we all?”

  Pam says, “Yeah, we are. I’ve got some stuff that’s just between me and God.”

  “You don’t have any secrets, Pam! You are way too boring for secrets. And since we’re back to talking about you, are you going to tell me what’s wrong?”

  “I think Troy may have had an affair with Aria.”

  Big sigh from me. “You back on that again? I remember you were about to lose your mind behind that girl years ago.”

  “Well, I didn’t have proof back then, but now I have evidence. She wrote him a letter saying she was moving on.”

  “Okay. Maybe she tried to get with him and he told her to step off.”

  “That’s what every person I’ve asked has said. But it doesn’t have to mean that. It could mean that what they had has run its course and it’s over. No matter what, he’s got to find a new artist.”

  “I think you are jumping to conclusions, as usual. I know that Troy loves you, and so what if that girl wanted to get with him once upon a time? He’s a good-looking guy, Pam, and he’s her mentor. Maybe she just got caught up.”

  Pam gets very quiet.

  “Pam?” I ask. “Are you still there?”

  “I’m here.”

  “Look, I’m not sure if Troy’s innocent, but you always think the worst of him. Hope for the best, but prepare yourself for the worst.”

  “I’ll let you know what happens after I confront him,” Pam says.

  “Don’t confront him, Pam. Just tell him that you know about the letter, and see what he says.”

  “And if he admits to it?”

  “Then call me right away, girl. I’ll help you hide the body.”

  Pam laughs out loud. “I know you will. But I’d rather you pray for me.”

  “I’ll pray for you both. But I have a feeling that it’s going to work out fine.”

  “Spencer must be in a romantic mood. You always trying to wrap up my problems real quick when your man is frisky.”

  “You got me, girl. Spence has me on a time limit, but just know that I’m here for you.”

  “Whatever! I’ll talk to you tomorrow. I won’t get any writing done while Troy is gone, so we might as well hang.”

  “Okay. Later.”

  I let out a sigh as I disconnect the phone call. I want to be optimistic for Pam, but I’ve been worried about that Aria chick since the first time I saw her perform. She looked at Troy the way I looked at Luke. There was longing in her eyes, like she wanted to take Pam’s place. At the time, I never thought that Troy reciprocated, but now I can’t be so sure.

  I’m always gonna pray for my girl, but I’ve got something in the natural for Ms. Aria, too. Game recognizes game, and I know a husband stealer when I see one. If she’s trying to mess up my girl’s happy home, she’s going to have to deal with me and God.

  CHAPTER 22

  EVA

  Eva sat on the floor of her new apartment in a daze. She hadn’t moved since she’d run Yvonne off by kissing her. Hours had gone by, and she still couldn’t figure out what possessed her to do something so stupid.

  It had something to do with Yvonne rocking her back and forth as her grandmother had. Eva had told Yvonne about the adult films, and she hadn’t pushed her away. She hadn’t been disgusted, like her grandmother had been. Eva had felt a surge of love for Yvonne like she’d never felt for anyone.

  And now it was ruined.

  Eva glanced over at the discarded DVDs on the floor near her bed. Yvonne had been disgusted by them, and now Eva was, too. They seemed demonic. She wondered why she held on to them. It kind of seemed crazy since she was determined to never go back to that life.

  It was only a matter of time before Yvonne told someone Eva’s secret. She’d promised not to, but how would she be able to keep that to herself? How could Yvonne let someone like her live on her church grounds? She was going to at least tell the pastor, of that Eva was sure.

  Eva replayed the day in her mind. Everyone had come together to help her move. The men came and moved all her things, and not one of them had made a pass at her. This was shocking, but it had made Eva feel safe around them.

  Then the women had come, and this had warmed Eva’s heart more than anything. Her female friends were scarce, no, nonexistent. But they had shown up to help her move, and they seemed happy to be there.

  The one girl, Shaquan, had recognized Eva but didn’t remember how they knew one another. Eva remembered. Shaquan had worked at a strip club that Eva had tried before she got into the adult film business. Shaquan was the cook, and she fried chicken wings and fries for the men sticking dollar bills in Eva’s G-string.

  Eva wasn’t really worried about Shaquan spilling her secret. Telling everyone would require her to reveal their connection. And Eva also knew that Shaquan did much more than fry chicken wings. She sold exclusive favors in the VIP room, just like the girls who worked the pole.

  Eva considered calling Yvonne. When she’d given her the phone number, she’d said to call anytime. She just wanted to say “I’m sorry” however many times it took for Yvonne to forget what she’d done.

  Like everyone else that she’d ever cared about, Eva had pushed Yvonne away. And Yvonne had tried to lead her to God. No one else had done that.

  Would her life really change when she gave it over to Jesus? What if she was still sad and lonely? What if the sordid things she’d done on those videos continued to haunt her?

  What if it did? What if she wasn’t, and what if they didn’t?

  Eva would never know what could happen unless she just trusted and believed God and let Him take control. She didn’t even know what it mean
t to do that. But first, it seemed to require a decision on her part.

  Eva didn’t know about baptism yet, but she knew the first thing she’d do. She crawled across the floor on her hands and knees and retrieved the DVDs. Then she reached into her toolbox and got out a hammer.

  She pounded on the DVDs until they were in pieces all over the floor. She gathered the pieces together in a pile and wondered where she could dispose of them. She didn’t want them in her new home any longer.

  After she discarded the pieces in the Dumpster outside, Eva picked up her grandmother’s Bible. She flipped through the pages, looking at the highlighted texts and wondering if those would lead her to understand God or salvation.

  Eva’s grandmother had highlighted many texts in the book of Deuteronomy. It was the most marked, so Eva assumed that this was her grandmother’s favorite book of the Bible. Some of them she’d highlighted and underlined in red.

  The first underlined text read, If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, which will not obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his mother, and that, when they have chastened him, will not hearken unto them: Then shall his father and his mother lay hold on him, and bring him out unto the elders of his city, and unto the gate of his place; And they shall say unto the elders of his city, This our son is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton, and a drunkard. And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, that he die: so shalt thou put evil away from among you; and all Israel shall hear, and fear.

  Eva shuddered. Then she wondered if her grandmother had applied this scriptural verse to her uncle Parnell. Eva wished that someone had taken him somewhere and thrown stones at him. She would’ve been the first in line to do it.

  The next passage read, But if this thing be true, and the tokens of virginity be not found for the damsel: Then they shall bring out the damsel to the door of her father’s house, and the men of her city shall stone her with stones that she die: because she hath wrought folly in Israel, to play the whore in her father’s house: so shalt thou put evil away from among you.

  Eva shuddered with fear. It was as if she could feel her grandmother’s presence in the room. Her grandmother had called her a whore. Had she wished her dead and stoned, too, just like Uncle Parnell?

  In the margin of the next passage, Eva’s grandmother had written in red block letters, “RAPE.” The passage read, If a damsel that is a virgin be betrothed unto an husband, and a man find her in the city, and lie with her; Then ye shall bring them both out unto the gate of that city, and ye shall stone them with stones that they die; the damsel, because she cried not, being in the city; and the man, because he hath humbled his neighbour’s wife: so thou shalt put away evil from among you.

  This didn’t apply to Eva. She had cried out, but no one had listened. No one had stopped her uncle from stealing her innocence. No one had stopped him from destroying everything pure and sweet within her.

  Eva closed the Bible and sighed. There was no joy in these passages for her. She wanted to know the God that Yvonne talked about, the forgiving and loving God. Not the one who called for people to be stoned to death. Were they the same God?

  Eva was confused, but with Yvonne angry with her, there was no one to call. She whispered a prayer, “God, please don’t let Yvonne hate me. Please take these feelings away from me. I don’t want to think of women this way. I want a husband, a baby, and a house. Is that too much to ask, God? I want to be like Yvonne, Taylor, and Pam. They say that they’re women of God. I am a woman, but I don’t know who I belong to. Help me, God, because I don’t even know what to pray. I am lost.”

  Eva clutched the Bible to her chest, hoping that positive rays of hope would come into her heart. She fell asleep on the floor with the Bible in her arms, wishing more than anything for her prayers to come true.

  CHAPTER 23

  YVONNE

  What time is it? I sit up straight in my bed, disoriented and soaked through with sweat. I shake my head, trying to clear the dream haze, because that’s exactly what woke me up—a dream about Luke.

  I fan myself at the recollection of that dream, and then I immediately feel ashamed. I dreamed about one of our anniversary vacations, specifically our boudoir activities. I snap my legs shut under my sheets and ask God to forgive my lustful thoughts.

  Why in the world would I have a sexual dream about Luke? I haven’t thought about him that way since he broke me in a way that no woman should experience, not from the man she loves. And it’s not like he was ever that exceptional in the bedroom, either. Whenever I heard married women talk about how much they wanted their husbands in that way, I never felt as if I could relate. It was always wham, bam, thank you, ma’am, with Luke.

  Then I remember Eva’s stolen kiss. Is that what caused me to have this dream? Was I aroused by that? Oh, Lord Jesus, please don’t let me be a lesbian.

  I glance over at the clock on my bedside table. It’s only six in the morning, but I might as well get up and prepare for my date with Kingston. We’re going to get on the road early to beat the Sandusky amusement park traffic.

  Maybe the dream has something to do with Kingston. We haven’t kissed or held hands even, but his lingering gaze has started a slow-burning fire in me. I didn’t want to admit it at first, but I find myself thinking about his cologne for hours after we separate.

  No. I am definitely not a lesbian, but is Eva?

  That kiss seemed so surreal, as if she was in some kind of dream haze herself. Even after a full night’s sleep, I still feel bad about how that ended, but I have no idea how to fix it, or if I should even try. I could end up making it worse.

  My cell phone buzzes on the nightstand. I pick it up and squint at the number in the caller ID. It’s Eva. I must’ve thought her up this morning. I hesitate before answering, but I suppose I can either deal with this now or later.

  “Hello?” I say, trying to sound as chipper as I possibly can, seeing that I haven’t even brushed my teeth yet.

  “Oh, I didn’t think you’d answer. I was just going to leave a voice mail message.”

  “Well, I’m awake, so you don’t have to do that. What did you want to say to me?”

  There is a long pause before she speaks. “Yvonne, please say that we can still be friends. I’m so sorry for what I did.”

  “I do forgive you, honey . . . I mean Eva . . . but I don’t know so much about the friend part.”

  “I understand why you don’t want to be my friend, but I really want to change. Sometimes I feel like I’m out of control when it comes to my sexuality.”

  “Are you a lesbian?”

  “No. I mean, I have been with women on film, but I am attracted to men.”

  I think about this response, and I don’t know what to think. How could a woman have sex with another woman on film and not be attracted to her? I don’t know how it works, and I don’t even know what I believe about how people become homosexuals. Some people say they are born that way, and some don’t.

  “How could you do it, then?” I ask.

  “It was like I was outside myself when I was filming. We’d use Ecstasy or marijuana, and everything would just kind of run together. Once I did it the first time, it was easier the next time, and the next time and the next.”

  “I’m going to be honest, Eva. I don’t think I can be friends with you. You violated something when you kissed me, and I really wish that you hadn’t.”

  “Okay.” I can hear the sadness in her voice. She sounds so pitiful that I could just cry with her.

  “But I promise to try as long as you promise to keep your lips to yourself.”

  “I will! I will! Can I ask you something else?”

  “Sure.”

  “I want to be free of all this. I want salvation, too. God spoke to me when I promised Him I wouldn’t do adult films anymore. But I don’t know what to do. Can you tell me where to read in my Bible? Where can I find something for me? I keep reading about Israel and the apostles, but I
feel lost when I pick up the Bible.”

  Hmmm . . . what Bible verse would speak to Eva? Then I smile, because I think of the perfect one.

  “Try the Gospel of John, chapter four. It’s about a woman who Christ met face-to-face. She had a past that she was ashamed of, I think.”

  “Thank you so much, Yvonne. Will I see you at church on Sunday?”

  “I’ll be there.” I try to sound non-committal, but not mean. Even if I can’t put the horrible feelings out of my mind, I still want this girl to meet Christ.

  “Okay, then. See you tomorrow.”

  I breathe a huge sigh of relief as I disconnect the phone. Even though I reacted badly, she still hasn’t been soured on Jesus. I would’ve felt guilty if that had happened.

  I jump out of bed, feeling much better, and ready for my date with Kingston. I do all my bathroom rituals, including soaking in a bathtub full of perfumed soap. I’ve found a new fragrance I like that smells like sweet rose petals. It’s soft and sexy. Well, I guess it’s sexy. I have no idea what kind of scent a man finds arousing.

  And do I even want to be sexy? After that dream, I’m not so sure! What if Kingston kisses me and I just start pulling clothes off like I don’t have good sense? Lord, help!

  Then I pick my outfit. I want to be comfortable, so I pick a jean skirt and flats and this halter top that Taylor forced me to buy last summer. It is very pretty, and Taylor has great taste in clothes.

  My hair is easy. I just got my bob freshly cut and styled, so it falls into place perfectly and is soft and bouncy.

  I’ve never been one for a lot of makeup, but I’ve been taking man-catching lessons from my vixen friend Taylor. She says that I need mascara and at least lip gloss. I can do the lip gloss but not the mascara. I always end up almost putting my eye out with the mascara wand.

  When I am totally assembled, I look in my full-length mirror to give myself the once-over. Not bad, if I do say so myself. I’d ask myself out, I think. I may not have all the killer curves of some of the sisters I know, but I am shapely. There are a few gray streaks in my hair, but if I dyed them, I could be mistaken for a woman in her early thirties. Black don’t crack, baby! Thank the Lord for good genes and a healthy dose of melanin.